最近的我都不开心，笑也笑得假，泪就时常流。。。感觉我就快患上忧郁症了～
不过。。。
我深深知道深爱我的祂在紧紧地抓着我，在我身边安排了不少安慰我的人。。。
我为此感谢，我相信，经过了这次，我就会如鹰展翅飞翔，就会更坚强。。。
8 years ago
9/26/2011
不开心的我
最近的我都不开心，笑也笑得假，泪就时常流。。。感觉我就快患上忧郁症了～
不过。。。
我深深知道深爱我的祂在紧紧地抓着我，在我身边安排了不少安慰我的人。。。
我为此感谢，我相信，经过了这次，我就会如鹰展翅飞翔，就会更坚强。。。
9/23/2011
不会，还是不愿？
我真的不晓得如何分辨别人对我的关心。
乱了。。。
我很难相信世上有那么好的人，尤其是男人。
他所做的一切真的只是因为愿意为朋友而付出，毫无目的？？？
我要选择相信吗？？？
世上真的有人的性格跟我那么得像吗？
当你发现有这样的人时，你真的不知该高兴，或警惕。。。
难免会有点恐怖。。。
乱了。。。
我很难相信世上有那么好的人，尤其是男人。
他所做的一切真的只是因为愿意为朋友而付出，毫无目的？？？
我要选择相信吗？？？
世上真的有人的性格跟我那么得像吗？
当你发现有这样的人时，你真的不知该高兴，或警惕。。。
难免会有点恐怖。。。
9/22/2011
The night I cried, the night I couldn't sleep
Since 1:30am I have been crying like a baby, my tears flow like streams, endless tears continuously shed from my eyes.
The fear in my heart causes me insecured,
looking for something to hold,looking for a great arm to hug.
Feel like vomiting,
feeling dizzy...
Am I crazy? Am I depressed?
I couldn't sleep well recently, since Tuesday I have been vomiting whatever I had eaten.
I am scared, really scared...
I need strength, comfort, and love, LORD..Grant me, please...
The fear in my heart causes me insecured,
looking for something to hold,looking for a great arm to hug.
Feel like vomiting,
feeling dizzy...
Am I crazy? Am I depressed?
I couldn't sleep well recently, since Tuesday I have been vomiting whatever I had eaten.
I am scared, really scared...
I need strength, comfort, and love, LORD..Grant me, please...
9/20/2011
他真的那么好？
昨天，他说，等你病好了我才说故事给你听。
我说，不要，不要，我就是要听，不然我睡不着。
在我半逼半哄之下，他终于说了他的故事。
如预期中，他的人生真的很坎坷。
只是没想到他可以这样地撑过来。
八岁就开始照顾出生不久的妹妹，
十六岁守夜照顾已中风了的外公，
从小就扮演严厉十足的爸爸哥哥。
一路以来被身边的亲友误解指责，
认为他不应该对弟妹那么地严厉，
但是谁晓得他们背后过去的经历？
或许他不该，但爱之深责之切啊！
神，你知道他的需要，求你带领他前面的道路，赐给他信心、勇气走下去。
我说，不要，不要，我就是要听，不然我睡不着。
在我半逼半哄之下，他终于说了他的故事。
如预期中，他的人生真的很坎坷。
只是没想到他可以这样地撑过来。
八岁就开始照顾出生不久的妹妹，
十六岁守夜照顾已中风了的外公，
从小就扮演严厉十足的爸爸哥哥。
一路以来被身边的亲友误解指责，
认为他不应该对弟妹那么地严厉，
但是谁晓得他们背后过去的经历？
或许他不该，但爱之深责之切啊！
神，你知道他的需要，求你带领他前面的道路，赐给他信心、勇气走下去。
9/15/2011
Love can cover everything
A short conversation with my uncle last night,
"If two persons really want to be together, it is not only the matter of faith (religion), they would consider about their background, financial status, family burden, academic achievement, and etc..." I said
My uncle replied, " No, no, no, Love can cover all these things"
"Really? I don't know. I haven't reach to this level,haha!" I said.
"You will know" my uncle smiled and said to me.
So surprise that my uncle would say "Love can cover everything", I thought he would agree with my rational statement, but he didn't. I don't know whether he was being irrational or he was telling me the truth during the conversation...Nevermind, I will explore by myself in the future~^^
"If two persons really want to be together, it is not only the matter of faith (religion), they would consider about their background, financial status, family burden, academic achievement, and etc..." I said
My uncle replied, " No, no, no, Love can cover all these things"
"Really? I don't know. I haven't reach to this level,haha!" I said.
"You will know" my uncle smiled and said to me.
So surprise that my uncle would say "Love can cover everything", I thought he would agree with my rational statement, but he didn't. I don't know whether he was being irrational or he was telling me the truth during the conversation...Nevermind, I will explore by myself in the future~^^
9/12/2011
9/08/2011
眼泪
为何眼泪一直流？
为何心不得安息？
为何让自己痛苦？
为何就是放不下？
明知是不可能的，
却不想放下，
我好想，好想知道
他的想法，祂的旨意。。。
昨天有人告诉我，
‘你就是要这样错失机会吗？’
‘我是不想要错失机会，
但是，还没开始就已经那么地痛苦了。
真的是苦不堪言，好苦，好哭啊！
难道，明知痛苦还要走下去？’
‘你胆小！你拖下去也一样会痛苦的。倒不如来个痛快，解决它！’他说。
我宁愿被人说我胆小，我胆怯，我没胆。。。
我都不想要那样做，或许是说我不敢。。。
相信时间会冲淡一切。
为何心不得安息？
为何让自己痛苦？
为何就是放不下？
明知是不可能的，
却不想放下，
我好想，好想知道
他的想法，祂的旨意。。。
昨天有人告诉我，
‘你就是要这样错失机会吗？’
‘我是不想要错失机会，
但是，还没开始就已经那么地痛苦了。
真的是苦不堪言，好苦，好哭啊！
难道，明知痛苦还要走下去？’
‘你胆小！你拖下去也一样会痛苦的。倒不如来个痛快，解决它！’他说。
我宁愿被人说我胆小，我胆怯，我没胆。。。
我都不想要那样做，或许是说我不敢。。。
相信时间会冲淡一切。
眼肿了，泪干了
可能是累了，不想一个人走下去。
可能是自卑，觉得做什么都没用。
可能是担忧，担心身边的人事物。
可能是彷徨，不知该怎么走下去。
可能是太忙，自己做什么都不知。
可能是太茫，自己已迷失在其中。
可能是太盲，自己看不到神恩典。
可能是想家，希望被人疼被人爱。
可能没信心，感觉不到爱我的神。
已没信心了，开始质疑很多，很多。。。。。。
可能是自卑，觉得做什么都没用。
可能是担忧，担心身边的人事物。
可能是彷徨，不知该怎么走下去。
可能是太忙，自己做什么都不知。
可能是太茫，自己已迷失在其中。
可能是太盲，自己看不到神恩典。
可能是想家，希望被人疼被人爱。
可能没信心，感觉不到爱我的神。
已没信心了，开始质疑很多，很多。。。。。。
9/07/2011
Two different point of views from my parents
Last night my mum told me that she fully trusts God for His plan in getting the life partner of her children.
Then, I asked her, 'If my future boy friend is someone who came from a complicated family, only graduated from secondary school, no good career, no money, has the responsibility to take care of his family, etc.....BUT he loves God, willing to serve God despite of anything, will you accept him as your son-in-law?'
Without a second of hesitation, she answered, 'If the person really loves God and fears God, surely he will love you as himself, and I will never disagree about it.
WAH~Surprise!!!!!!!
In fact, my father is almost the same as the person I described my so-called future boy friend.
My dad had no money, he even rejected by his own family member due to his faith to God before he married my mum. ( He is still not rich now, though) However, he loves God, so he loves my mum very much.
After that, I asked my dad the same question.
The answer from my dad was, 'Don't think too much, please be rational, don't be so emotional, sweet heart.'
I asked, ' No, I was just giving an example. Let's say God really match this guy with me, what will you do?'
'Erm....I have been suffered a lot due to my low education level as a full time pastor in the church. Having the passion in serving God is great, though education level is important. If it is really God's arrangement, I will surely ask him to equip himself by studying, reading books and to get a certificate that recognised by others. Otherwise, he will be suffered a lot in the field and you will be suffered too,dear. Both knowledge (education) and the passion of serving God are the necessities in serving the people of God in this generation.'
Ya, my dad is really reasonable, rational, and he was being so reality to let me see the truth.
I can understand the reason why my dad said so, I have seen his struggling, hurts, frustrations since I was young.
He always tells me to be equipped well in school, study hard before you join the field.
Yes, I know that. I did it as he told.
But, daddy, even though you have been treated unjustly, you are still able to bear it due to us. (Of course, I believe that God has granted you the strength to go through those difficult times) You chose to not going for further study in seminary because you wanted us to have no worries about the living when we were young. You did not dare to complaint when you were treated differently, because you don't want to bear the risk of being posted to other places. You really tried your best in settling us down, not to move around.
Now we are grown up, go go go ahead with what you think you should do.
I love you, dad.
P/S: If God really match the guy that I described, I will think exactly like my mum. I am willing to go along with him, even though the path is challenging, tough, even full of pain. Because I know that God always has His best plan for me. It's not being emotional, it's about faith and trust.
Then, I asked her, 'If my future boy friend is someone who came from a complicated family, only graduated from secondary school, no good career, no money, has the responsibility to take care of his family, etc.....BUT he loves God, willing to serve God despite of anything, will you accept him as your son-in-law?'
Without a second of hesitation, she answered, 'If the person really loves God and fears God, surely he will love you as himself, and I will never disagree about it.
WAH~Surprise!!!!!!!
In fact, my father is almost the same as the person I described my so-called future boy friend.
My dad had no money, he even rejected by his own family member due to his faith to God before he married my mum. ( He is still not rich now, though) However, he loves God, so he loves my mum very much.
After that, I asked my dad the same question.
The answer from my dad was, 'Don't think too much, please be rational, don't be so emotional, sweet heart.'
I asked, ' No, I was just giving an example. Let's say God really match this guy with me, what will you do?'
'Erm....I have been suffered a lot due to my low education level as a full time pastor in the church. Having the passion in serving God is great, though education level is important. If it is really God's arrangement, I will surely ask him to equip himself by studying, reading books and to get a certificate that recognised by others. Otherwise, he will be suffered a lot in the field and you will be suffered too,dear. Both knowledge (education) and the passion of serving God are the necessities in serving the people of God in this generation.'
Ya, my dad is really reasonable, rational, and he was being so reality to let me see the truth.
I can understand the reason why my dad said so, I have seen his struggling, hurts, frustrations since I was young.
He always tells me to be equipped well in school, study hard before you join the field.
Yes, I know that. I did it as he told.
But, daddy, even though you have been treated unjustly, you are still able to bear it due to us. (Of course, I believe that God has granted you the strength to go through those difficult times) You chose to not going for further study in seminary because you wanted us to have no worries about the living when we were young. You did not dare to complaint when you were treated differently, because you don't want to bear the risk of being posted to other places. You really tried your best in settling us down, not to move around.
Now we are grown up, go go go ahead with what you think you should do.
I love you, dad.
P/S: If God really match the guy that I described, I will think exactly like my mum. I am willing to go along with him, even though the path is challenging, tough, even full of pain. Because I know that God always has His best plan for me. It's not being emotional, it's about faith and trust.
9/06/2011
渴望、期望、失望
我这两周来的心情：
渴望着一样想要的东西
就会
期望着可以得到那东西
结果
失望地去看待那样东西
依然
我的心还是
渴望着， 期望着有希望！！！
但是
我的理智说
放弃吧，是你的就是你的！！！
我的感觉和我的理智又在吵架了。。。
相信有爱，真的就会有奇迹？
我的信心又在摇动了。。。
天父，指教我走前方的路，引导我的心，检察我的心怀意念。。。阿门。
渴望着一样想要的东西
就会
期望着可以得到那东西
结果
失望地去看待那样东西
依然
我的心还是
渴望着， 期望着有希望！！！
但是
我的理智说
放弃吧，是你的就是你的！！！
我的感觉和我的理智又在吵架了。。。
相信有爱，真的就会有奇迹？
我的信心又在摇动了。。。
天父，指教我走前方的路，引导我的心，检察我的心怀意念。。。阿门。
9/05/2011
怎么办？
怎么办？多年来，这荷尔蒙都没发挥作用，竟然在这非常时期发挥的强大无比的作用。
现在的我就像是一个“纯情”的少女，幼稚得像一个得不到糖果的小女孩一样，费尽心思地想着要得到的东西。
二十多岁的我竟然被这荷尔蒙操控着，原以为能有控制自己内心自如的我，现在却已乱了阵脚。
心跳加速，手脚却冰冷，双颊绯红。。。。
我到底怎么了？？？
是荷尔蒙的错吗？
还是我自己想太多了？？？
现在的我就像是一个“纯情”的少女，幼稚得像一个得不到糖果的小女孩一样，费尽心思地想着要得到的东西。
二十多岁的我竟然被这荷尔蒙操控着，原以为能有控制自己内心自如的我，现在却已乱了阵脚。
心跳加速，手脚却冰冷，双颊绯红。。。。
我到底怎么了？？？
是荷尔蒙的错吗？
还是我自己想太多了？？？
9/04/2011
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
