Learn through the pain

Commit everything to God since He has allowed tribulations to be happened in my life....
The next four papers would be answered by the my hand which is holding by the hands of almighty God....
I will try my hard to study everything I can.
I will try my best, God will do the rest...

My parents moved to Batu Pahat yesterday, I missed them so much...
I feel very pain as they have to moving around until now...
I do not know when this will be ended...
They are not young any more, yet they have carry those weight that might be heavier than them...
I really wish that I could be there and help them to do those heavy job...
But I am here, in Sabah (UMS) facing final examination...
I wish to do well in my exam in order to make them feel proud of having a daughter who is able to get an excellent results in university....
YET I didn't do well....

I am so sorry.....
I love you, dad and mum...
I know you've never wanted me to force myself to get an excellent results...
But what could I repay you if I didn't do well in exam?
I do not have the ability to earn money for you, so that you can accomplish your wish in owning a church to serve God...
What I know is pray for you, and try my best in executing my duty as a student...

Do you know that how much
I miss you and love you?

It's pain....really pain.....

Final exam again, tend to give up...

This is the 3rd sem in UMS.
It's not easy to continue my journey.
Tend to let go everything.

"Meaningless! Meaningless!" says the Teacher.
"Utterly meaningless!"
Everything is meaningless."

Ecclesiates 1:2

Is it alright for me to let go?
Am I still wanna to strive for 1st class like my elder brother?
I know very well that it is impossible.

I can do all this through him who gives me strength

Philippians 4:13

Am I really can?

I know I can't because I am not good enough...

If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask GOD, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him, BUT when he asks, he must BELIEVE and NO DOUBT.

James 1:5,6

No, no....I am doubt...

I always ask myself,
"Are you really try your best?"
I daren't to asnwer "Yes",
because I don't know how to define "BEST"?
Somemore,
If I think I have already tried my best, yet I didn't get the "Best" results;
is that means that I am not smart?

Ya, maybe I am not smart, I have to admit it...
So, don't force myself to go for 1st class...

Well, then
how about Dean list?
Is it very important for me to keep my name in Dean list?
No matter how hard I try to keep myself in the Dean list,
still, I will graduate with 2nd upper class...
Same with those friends who score for CGPA 3.00 and above.

So, what is it for to try so hard in order to get in to the Dean list?
Is it really proud to go on the stage and be awarded a cert during the AIMS night?
I don't really think it is...
OK,
think in another way,
is it shame for me to not to get into that category while other friends are in?

Eem...
Yes,
I think I will feel inferior to the others and disappointed to myself.

So, as a conclusion
I have to try to get myself in Dean list in this sem as well...

However, I think it is hard for me to achieve CGPA with 3.5 this sem...
I have been very busy for activities in campus, faculty, and in church...
I didn't do well in my mid-sem exam, quiz, and assignments in this sem...

I hope to try my best in the final, BUT I didn't...

I feel sorry and guilty,
I was not performing well in my last 2 papers in Final.
I answered wrongly in most of the questions, even it's the simplest question...

I was quite relaxing and kept wacthing movies and sleeping during the study week...
I have not been like that before during exam period..
I think I have been out of my mind, insane, somehow....

How could I able to get good results?

I am too disappointed and feel like to give up...

I am not like my elder brother who is able to get 1st class,
though I really wish to follow his step...

What will my results be?

Delight yourself in the Lord and he will give you the desires of your heart. Commit your way to the Lord; trust in Him and He will do this: He will make your righteousness liek the dawn, the justice of your cause lik the noonday sun.

Psalms 37:4-6