Where are you???

Where are you, GOD???

R YOU abondoned me???

What should I do???

I can't help myself, I need help frm YOU...

PLS, I beg for Your mercy...

PLS...PLS...PLS...

I nearly devastated...

pls hold me up...hold me up...

I cant sustain more stress than this...

I have to learn the ways in distressing. I keep avoiding the issues that are really matter to me.
I cant bear any mistake that I've done.That's the reason I am stress, I think.
After tonight I found that I cant afford any admonishment. I knew I was wrong before being told, but I didn't take action to correct it.
I thought everything would be fine, but the truth is it isn't.
After being told, I cant accept the mistake that I have done.
How stupid am I!!!
Push and force myself to wake up at 5am during weekdays no matter how reluctant I am, just because I am asked to fetch kids to school.
Am I a driver or a student?
Do I need to move out?
What can I do?

Disappointment 失望

成绩已经公布了。Result has been released.
退步了很多很多。My result for the 1st sem of 2nd year is disappointed me.
自问：I keep asking my self:
有努力吗？Did you put effort in study?
有。不过好像是往错的方向。I did. But seem like my effort is putting to the wrong direction.
想想上学期学了什么？What I've learned in the pass sem?
似乎只能用“忙”来形容。Nth. What I remembered is busy.
虚空，虚空。一切都是虚空。。。Meaningless, meaningless, utterly meaningless
我没有很好的学习背景,I do not have a great background in study
一切都是神的恩典。everything is by the grace of God

洛克菲勒曾告訴兒子，起點不是終點，不管出身如何，日後成敗，還是靠自己的努力。

鄭丁賢‧葉亞來和洛克菲勒2010-12-27 08:39
John D.Rockefeller

我的的确确有努力， 可能不够努力。Ya, I did put a lot of effort, probably not enough,though.
算了吧！Haiz....
下周就是新的学期，有新的发展空间。Next week is the brave new sem, a new space and area for me to develop I, myself.
这次要学会忙中有节制，玩中有自制。The lesson I have learn from last sem is self-control.

Learn through the pain

Commit everything to God since He has allowed tribulations to be happened in my life....
The next four papers would be answered by the my hand which is holding by the hands of almighty God....
I will try my hard to study everything I can.
I will try my best, God will do the rest...

My parents moved to Batu Pahat yesterday, I missed them so much...
I feel very pain as they have to moving around until now...
I do not know when this will be ended...
They are not young any more, yet they have carry those weight that might be heavier than them...
I really wish that I could be there and help them to do those heavy job...
But I am here, in Sabah (UMS) facing final examination...
I wish to do well in my exam in order to make them feel proud of having a daughter who is able to get an excellent results in university....
YET I didn't do well....

I am so sorry.....
I love you, dad and mum...
I know you've never wanted me to force myself to get an excellent results...
But what could I repay you if I didn't do well in exam?
I do not have the ability to earn money for you, so that you can accomplish your wish in owning a church to serve God...
What I know is pray for you, and try my best in executing my duty as a student...

Do you know that how much
I miss you and love you?

It's pain....really pain.....

Final exam again, tend to give up...

This is the 3rd sem in UMS.
It's not easy to continue my journey.
Tend to let go everything.

"Meaningless! Meaningless!" says the Teacher.
"Utterly meaningless!"
Everything is meaningless."

Ecclesiates 1:2

Is it alright for me to let go?
Am I still wanna to strive for 1st class like my elder brother?
I know very well that it is impossible.

I can do all this through him who gives me strength

Philippians 4:13

Am I really can?

I know I can't because I am not good enough...

If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask GOD, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him, BUT when he asks, he must BELIEVE and NO DOUBT.

James 1:5,6

No, no....I am doubt...

I always ask myself,
"Are you really try your best?"
I daren't to asnwer "Yes",
because I don't know how to define "BEST"?
Somemore,
If I think I have already tried my best, yet I didn't get the "Best" results;
is that means that I am not smart?

Ya, maybe I am not smart, I have to admit it...
So, don't force myself to go for 1st class...

Well, then
how about Dean list?
Is it very important for me to keep my name in Dean list?
No matter how hard I try to keep myself in the Dean list,
still, I will graduate with 2nd upper class...
Same with those friends who score for CGPA 3.00 and above.

So, what is it for to try so hard in order to get in to the Dean list?
Is it really proud to go on the stage and be awarded a cert during the AIMS night?
I don't really think it is...
OK,
think in another way,
is it shame for me to not to get into that category while other friends are in?

Eem...
Yes,
I think I will feel inferior to the others and disappointed to myself.

So, as a conclusion
I have to try to get myself in Dean list in this sem as well...

However, I think it is hard for me to achieve CGPA with 3.5 this sem...
I have been very busy for activities in campus, faculty, and in church...
I didn't do well in my mid-sem exam, quiz, and assignments in this sem...

I hope to try my best in the final, BUT I didn't...

I feel sorry and guilty,
I was not performing well in my last 2 papers in Final.
I answered wrongly in most of the questions, even it's the simplest question...

I was quite relaxing and kept wacthing movies and sleeping during the study week...
I have not been like that before during exam period..
I think I have been out of my mind, insane, somehow....

How could I able to get good results?

I am too disappointed and feel like to give up...

I am not like my elder brother who is able to get 1st class,
though I really wish to follow his step...

What will my results be?

Delight yourself in the Lord and he will give you the desires of your heart. Commit your way to the Lord; trust in Him and He will do this: He will make your righteousness liek the dawn, the justice of your cause lik the noonday sun.

Psalms 37:4-6

Not easy

Recently i discovered that i can't refuse other's request...

Am i good in hiding my feelings or can be said i ignore it?

What is happening to me?

Stressful

Tomorrow have Dr. Yasmin class.
Her class always make me feel stress and anxiety as I don't know when she will give us POP QUIZ.
Think of the first week of her lecture,
she gave us Quiz after the lecture straight away.
Wow! I could remember that my heart missed one bit after I heard of it...

I don't know why Pn. Izreen was in bad mood in this morning.
She expressed her anger to us by having a Quiz.
SWT!
I didn't study and didn't do any preparation for this course as I was exhausted last night after doing 6 hours lab work.
What to do?
I don't know how to face my results for this sem.

I tried to share my feeling to my dad, but he can't understand me and blaming me for taking part in too many activities in campus and in church.
I keep explaining to him, but he couldn't accept it.
Maybe he was right, I am overloaded.
However, I need his comfort for this moment and not his admonishment.
Who should I talk to?
Who can understand me?
Who can lend me his shoulder to let me lean on?
Who is my refuge?

What I can do now is pray and ask for God's comfort and strength for me to continue my tough journey.

Feel lucky and glad that I know Him since I was born. Otherwise I don't know how to overcome the troubles, conflicts, and difficulties happened in my life.